Rugged Individualism 

Balanced Parenting, based on the family therapy theory, Bowen family systems theory, emphasizes the need for responsible individuality to balance out people’s often overriding togetherness needs–which tend to make relationships codependent and susceptible to becoming distant. In this emphasis on individuality, Balanced Parenting may be misunderstood as being individualistic, or prioritizing rugged individualism–a self-centered, egocentric way of being that disregards one’s genuine dependence on and responsibilities to others. 

However, this misinterpretation misses the true essence of Balanced Parenting–which is helping children to become more differentiated, or emotionally mature. Differentiation involves reducing the extent to which one’s behavior is driven by the need for immature emotional togetherness needs. This enables individuals to act in more respectful, selfless, and prosocial ways, fostering mutual respect, open communication, and shared responsibility.

Counteracting Individualism in Children

In fact, Balanced Parenting aims to counteract rugged individualism by promoting emotional maturity in parents and children. It aims to prevent parents from feeling pressured to over-focus on their children, a parenting practice that is seen as contributing to an inflated sense of self in children (Kerr, 2019). For example, Wojcicki (2019) argues that helicopter parenting is creating a generation of narcissists who see themselves as the center of the universe (p. 245). Similarly, Druckerman (2012) attributes the rise of the "child-king" to overly child-centered parenting. 

Research supports this view, indicating that overparenting is associated with various negative outcomes, such as increased narcissism (Winner, 2019), diminished prosocial and empathic behaviors (McGinley, 2018), higher self-esteem and impulsivity (Set, 2022), ego inflation (Yilmaz, 2020), and greater psychological entitlement, competitiveness, and interpersonal conflict (Nie et al., 2023).

Conclusion

As parents promote more balanced relationships with their children, allowing their own individuality needs to spread out–they also help their children to become more responsible individuals. This means they can move away from rugged individualim–which often stems from over-dependence on others–and move toward being respectful, kind, intrinsically motivated, selfless, and compassionate. 

The more complete children’s identities, the less egocentric they become–and the more they can look to the needs of others. We don’t need to continue to train our children to be narcissists because we are overly worried about their happiness. They will be happier when we stop pressuring ourselves to give them our constant attention, involvement and support and allow them to learn to take responsibility for their own happiness. They will learn to lead more selfless, meaningful lives and to have healthier, more balanced, more connected relationships with others.