Dependency and Overinvolvement

Balanced Parenting is based in Bowen family systems theory, a main family therapy theory. The theory offers a fascinating lens through which to view family dynamics, particularly regarding how dependency and overinvolvement contribute to clinical symptoms. However, some people struggle to fully embrace this theory, perhaps because it seems to offer a somewhat narrow perspective on parent-child relationships.

Symptoms from Codependency

At its core, Bowen theory suggests that excessive parental involvement and dependency—what the theory terms "unresolved symbiosis"—are major contributors to the onset of symptoms in children (Kerr, 2019). This might seem like a limited viewpoint, as it primarily highlights how overinvolvement and dependency can contribute to  issues while potentially overlooking other critical factors, like parental under-functioning or neglect.

Under-Developed Identity

One common misconception is that Bowen theory's take on dependency is solely about individuals who appear weak or clingy. In reality, dependency in Bowen theory also encompasses those who derive their identity from being excessively competent or over-functioning in a relationship. These individuals often rely on the validation and praise they receive to maintain their sense of self. Therefore, a more accurate way to think about dependency in this context might be as an “under-developed identity,” which can be a key factor in serious clinical issues.

Over-Functioning Children

Moreover, unresolved symbiosis can evolve over time. Initially, it might manifest as parental over-involvement, but as children grow, they might become the over-functioning party in the relationship, compensating for a now under-involved parent. In these situations, the child still seeks validation and a sense of self-worth through their role, even if it seems to contradict the earlier dynamics.

Codependency and Adverse Childhood Experiences

Bowen theory also explores how unresolved symbiosis can lead to various negative outcomes, including emotional distance, conflict, and even child maltreatment (Kerr, 2019). When a parent is excessively intruded upon by a child's needs, it can provoke responses ranging from conflict to neglect. It’s not uncommon for both excessive focus and neglect to appear simultaneously in parent-child relationships, as parents may swing between extremes rather than maintaining a balanced approach.

Overinvolvement and Underinvolvement

Additionally, Bowen theory’s concept of the “triangle” sheds light on how one parent might become overly involved with their children while the other becomes distant. This often stems from how parents react to each other’s parenting styles. For instance, a parent who is more nurturing might be favored by the child, while the more rigid parent might be pushed to the periphery.

Research on Overinvolvement and Dependency

It’s important to note that Bowen theory’s emphasis on overinvolvement and dependency is supported by a wealth of research. Overinvolved parenting has been linked to various issues, such as young adult alcohol use (Cui et al., 2019), personality disorders (Bornstein, 1992), and even chronic pain (Lunde et al., 2022). Similarly, interpersonal dependency has been associated with intimate partner violence (Ha et al., 2021) and child maltreatment (Kane & Bornstein, 2018).

Parental Deprivation

Finally, while Bowen theory highlights unresolved symbiosis, it does not claim that true attachment insecurity (like parental deprivation) never occurs. Instead, it views such severe deprivation as less common than the more nuanced dynamics of unresolved symbiosis (Kerr & Bowen, 1988). This perspective aligns with research showing that even in cases of significant deprivation, a majority of children do not develop severe attachment disorders (O’Connor et al., 2000).

Conclusion

By expanding our understanding of Bowen theory and recognizing the complexity of dependency and overinvolvement, we can better grasp its implications for both individual and relational well-being. This more nuanced understanding of the theory can help parents to see that it is not narrow in scope but covers a wide range of parent-child experiences.